Childhood Holiday Story Contest Finalists1 ♥
A couple days ago, I posted a contest for you all to submit funny holiday stories from your childhood. There were several hundred entries, and way too many good ones to list here! I highly recommend taking a few minutes and reading through them if you haven’t already. You’ll get at least one good chuckle, or I will personally attempt* to fly around the world backwards at an incredible rate of speed to reverse time and refund you those 5 minutes of time.
So…lots of good ones, but I had to pick a few finalists, which in this case also happen to be the few who you all have Liked the most. Here they are:
I wrote my mom a Merry Christmas poem when I was 8. These were the first 2 lines:
To the mother of four
You are not a hore.
I didn’t know what a whore was but I knew she was NOT one! Everyone burst out laughing and I ran upstairs and cried lol
When I got my first real bike I went to get on it and halfway down the sidewalk it fell apart, my dad made a comment on how Santa must have been drunk when putting it together. Until I found out Santa wasn’t real I thought he was an alcoholic and ask my dad to check everything I got from Santa before playing with it.
In addition to milk/cookies for Santa, we threw out an apple for the reindeer. After learning Santa wasn’t real, my oldest sister started throwing the apple on the roof. My dad had to climb up there every Christmas Eve to take a bite out of the apple
When I was 6 I was convinced that I could capture Santa and force him to make toys for me year round. I set a booby trap that consisted of a trip line and some bells. Imagine my surprise when I awoke to the sound of bells, crashing and curse words
I’m posting a showdown now for you all to choose the winner. Go vote! The lucky winner will receive a SOH Power Upgrade (valued at $1.35 billion, but with MSRP of just $25 - buy yours quick!) and a $50 Amazon gift card that can be used to, for example, buy a book about recovering from childhood trauma.
* level of effort will range somewhere between “briefly thinking about it” and “putting on long underwear and doing Superman pose”